Love for the Long Haul

And although most of our friends would probably say we make being married look easy… appearances can be deceiving. Especially in enduring relationships like ours. And yet, here we are – still together after all this time and still checking off each other’s most important pros and cons.

Yes, I absolutely have a mental list of everything I love about him and everything that drives me crazy. I’m a list person and he’s most decidedly not – which is probably another tiny ingredient in the ever-changing spicy soup that is our relationship. But if you’ll allow me to indulge in the analogy of a marriage being like one of those ‘bottomless broths’ that top chefs are rumoured to keep simmering for years on end, our secret ingredient would be laughter.

When we met as 20-somethings, we bonded over silly jokes right away. I fell in love with him instantly. For him, I was a fun, clap-on-the-back drinking buddy who was also a mean cook. It took him nearly four years to fall in love with me in return and he nearly missed his window of opportunity. Our relationship was never based on the thrill of the chase or the idea that ‘opposites attract’, but on the reality that we’re incredibly similar. So similar, in fact, that we were destined to either immediately burn out, or…  as it turns out, last forever.

And it seems that we have the dumb luck to be working on the ‘forever’ part. I’m incredibly proud of the fact that Nik and I have managed grow up and evolve side by side, plus raise two amazing daughters. I must acknowledge that we are not the same people we once were. Lucky for us, it seems that the ways we changed individually over the past 25 years just always managed to line up.

Why did we make it this far while watching so many of our friends and family crash and burn (and of course, resurrect themselves as newly single adults who know exactly what they don’t want in a relationship)? I’m not exactly sure.  A good number of these people were once part of the kind of relationship that we have. Whether it’s a matter of overthinking or underdoing, I’ve stopped trying to find a reason we still not only love each other, but – maybe more importantly – like each other. Writing this won’t jinx what we have but is a moment to stop and be grateful for each other’s company and our plans for the future together. If this is the long haul, I’m ready for the next leg of the journey, so put on your comfy shoes, Nik. Yep, the ones I hate, but I know how much you love them.

Words Steffi Hidber